I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This baby is an asshole
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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