dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize