I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
