i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
