3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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