Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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