You really coming over, don't trick.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
