Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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