I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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