I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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