Where is the hickey?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need water and some morals
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
