in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
