I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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