BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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