someone threw a dead crab at me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
