Umm I'm too high to move.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
