I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
