In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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