there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize