i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
