Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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