Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How external is "for external use only"?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
