She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
