friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
