She's JV to your varsity
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
