I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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