is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
