Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
