I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
