pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
