I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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