That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
