Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.

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(208): View more from Idaho

And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you

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(516): View more from New York

Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked

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(303): View more from Colorado

I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...

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(905): View more from Ontario

MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

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(219): View more from Indiana

You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.

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(646): View more from New York

I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME

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