i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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