Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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