so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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