The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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