Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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