He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
