I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
