your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
