I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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