How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
