tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize