I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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