Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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