...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize
