Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
