every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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