woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
