i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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