i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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