I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
