You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
