I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
