I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
