so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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