All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The air taste purple.
Randomize
