my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
