She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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