No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize