I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
