I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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