I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
