I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need moral support for this bender
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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