dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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